When Good Old Dog Got Sick

I did not acknowledge when
Good old dog got sick.
He's just old, I told myself,
Like me.
It happens
You slow down.
But sometimes he wouldn't get up
Too painful.
I didn't want to accept that kind of truth
But hurt is hurt
So we saw the vet
Who gave a sad compassionate look and said
When it's time it's time
You'll know.
I took good old dog home and
Loved him,
Forced him to still go on walks with me
For my sake.
Our lives went on until
One day he became agitated and wouldn't move,
No food or drink.
My discomfort mattered more than his,
Beyond what was reasonable.
I kept him going,
Urged him to
Snap out of it,
But when it was time
I did know.
I took him to the vet and
Handed him over,
Guilty for taking it this far,
Selfish.
I gave him a final brave hug and
Kissed his head.
They removed his collar and presented it to me,
Morbid memento.
He was led down a long hallway where,
Before disappearing,
He turned and looked at me
One last time.
I couldn't read his tired gaze
But it fucked my soul
And I swallowed hard,
Ashamed,
And wondered if this is how it will be
When my time comes.

 © Poem Fix http://www.poemfix.com 2012
Photo: Elf