Animal Mortality

If we are the only animal that knows
Its own mortality
Then what to make of the mother gorilla
Who cradles her dead baby
Elephants that nudge the bones of dead relatives
Giraffes that won't abandon a corpse
Grief or curiosity
Puzzlement or reflection
If they know death
Is it the same as ours
Do they understand aging or illness
Consider the possible outcomes
Fragility of time
Do they prepare, fret, deny
Embrace darkness when it appears friendly
Are they ready as some humans
Or lash out against nature
Rude and intemperate

© Poem Fix http://www.poemfix.com 2012
Photo: Nevit Dilmen

Thanksgiving 2012

There will be no Thanksgiving at their house
Turkey, yes
But no bowing heads at a table
No taking turns to relate personal gratitude.
In their home
Gloom pervades from upstairs
Insulates everyone from
Pilgrim worship.
Someone may still cook a bird
Make stuffing
Serve cranberries
Try to force a little cheer
But darkness has taken hold in that unassuming house
Yielding only to time and Febreze
If there is thanks to be given
Let a glimmer of it find its way there
Even if it is just a dusting of empathy or hope.

© Poem Fix http://www.poemfix.com 2012
Photo: Marjory Collins, Farm Security Administration

Postcard Oceans

There's a funeral this morning
Shower and shave
Offer respect
Black suit
Sunglasses
Tissues in pocket
Comfort for others
The sky is as bright and blue as it is possible
The azure of postcard oceans
Exposed and full and ready to
Open heaven
With angels and trumpets and
Automatic entrance
We will look down at the
Open earth
Wonder when we will join him
If the bread truck is speeding around the corner
To knock us underground
Hold hands
Then walk away
Get in the car
Drive back to the
Rest of the day
Then tomorrow
The petty things we discover and
Make important

© Poem Fix http://www.poemfix.com 2012
 Photo:  Poem Fix

How to Kill a Mouse

I captured a mouse in my pantry
Cornered on a shelf
Excited, nervous
I brought a plastic kitchen trashcan to the edge
Goaded him (her?) to the ledge with threat of a
Large can of Libby's 100% Pure Pumpkin on the right
And a box of granulated sugar on the left
Nowhere to go
Clearly frightened
The mouse fell into the trashcan
Looking small and defeated
Cowering at the bottom
My brother once told me that one mouse
Turns into a hundred more
That drowning them is
Fast, efficient, humane
So I took the trashcan outside
Its passenger quiet and curled
Filled it halfway with water from a hose
The mouse struggled mightily
After a while it gave up
Dropped from the surface
Eyes bulging like a cartoon
Bubble rising from its mouth
Horrible
I spilled the trashcan on the driveway too late
Nudged the lifeless rodent with my shoe
Its soul had fled
I scooped him up with a piece of cardboard
Threw him in the bushes
With what was left of my innocence

© Poem Fix http://www.poemfix.com 2012

When Good Old Dog Got Sick

I did not acknowledge when
Good old dog got sick.
He's just old, I told myself,
Like me.
It happens
You slow down.
But sometimes he wouldn't get up
Too painful.
I didn't want to accept that kind of truth
But hurt is hurt
So we saw the vet
Who gave a sad compassionate look and said
When it's time it's time
You'll know.
I took good old dog home and
Loved him,
Forced him to still go on walks with me
For my sake.
Our lives went on until
One day he became agitated and wouldn't move,
No food or drink.
My discomfort mattered more than his,
Beyond what was reasonable.
I kept him going,
Urged him to
Snap out of it,
But when it was time
I did know.
I took him to the vet and
Handed him over,
Guilty for taking it this far,
Selfish.
I gave him a final brave hug and
Kissed his head.
They removed his collar and presented it to me,
Morbid memento.
He was led down a long hallway where,
Before disappearing,
He turned and looked at me
One last time.
I couldn't read his tired gaze
But it fucked my soul
And I swallowed hard,
Ashamed,
And wondered if this is how it will be
When my time comes.

 © Poem Fix http://www.poemfix.com 2012
Photo: Elf

Six Days

I arrive in the world hopeful,
Wondering what this lifetime will hold
But I already know the
Short time I've been granted.
Hello, they say to me,
And rush me away for
Tests and tensions,
As if they can measure god's intentions.
They give it a name, a defect,
Which is fine if it helps them cope with forces
Beyond their control,
And the consequences of another
Life, world, time.
So be it.
I was told it would be this way,
So it is.
Six days isn't long to experience a world,
But it's ample time to soak up the love I missed before.
I feel a passing sorrow for those who care for me,
Try not to focus on their sadness and pity.
I wish I could tell them it's OK.
They'll understand soon enough.
For now, they experience me as part of their own life contracts,
In the end,
I'm ready when the darkness comes to reclaim me
Because I wasn't gone long.
I allow my parents to mourn for me,
My gift to them,
And then I'm off for another try at healing.

© Poem Fix http://www.poemfix.com 2012
Drawing: Leonardo da Vinci

At Your Sunset

I am sorry your afternoon is
Moving so slowly. 
Every day is Saturday,
Which sounds wonderful
But leaves you untethered.
I should have called you before
My phone rang today. 
Important news about
Amelia Earhart, and how
Eagle Scouts contribute to society. 
I don't need to read The Journal anymore, because I get the good news from you.
I want you all to get along
When I'm gone, you repeat
For the hundredth time,
And don't fight over things.
OK, I promise.
And when you say you are proud
I file that away to use. 
Your life, so organized and neat,
Now waits for its finish.
Each day filled with 
Anticipation, preparation, wondering, 
Perhaps morbidly hoping, if this will be your last,
And remembering one more box to sort through, label, instruct.
Everything orderly and
In its place.
I will sing Red Sails in the Sunset
At your sunset
And then start my own
Too short wait. 

© Poem Fix http://www.poemfix.com 2012

Graphic by Nevit Dilmen

Dead Fly

I hit my head hard on a cabinet and
All the stars jumped around in my brain.
For a moment I felt
Lightheaded.
Knees buckled.
I cried out, held the counter and
Eased myself to the floor.
I rested my head on my hands.
Eyes closed, afraid, alone,
I waited for my body to decide
Where it would go.
I opened my eyes a final time to see that the
Kitchen floor was terribly dirty.
Crumbs and dust and a dead brown fly.
These would be my sad last thoughts
As I floated into the light
But air came deep into my lungs and
I knew instantly I would survive.
Embarrassed,
I felt better.
My strength and awareness returned.
I stood up and
Immediately swept the floor
Just in case.

© Poem Fix http://www.poemfix.com 2012
Photo by Bff

Waiting

My mother's eyes said
She was waiting
That it was OK
But it wasn't
And I was afraid
For her
For me
I should have stayed longer
But my weakness won
I touched her arm but only barely
Goodbye, mother
Hurry
I am tired of waiting

 

© Poem Fix http;//www.poemfix.com 2012